WARNING: The following
content is explicit and will be EXTREMELY offensive to many.
October 7 and
October 14, 2004 episodes of "life as we know it"
NETWORK: ABC
PROGRAM TITLE: 'Life as we know it' which was broadcast on:
BROADCAST DATE: October 7 and October 14, 2004
BROADCAST TIME: 9:00PM Eastern /Pacific, 8:00PM Central/Mountain

Student Dino plots to take his girl friend Jackie's virginity. Viewers see the youngsters in his home while his parents are away; a shirtless Dino is half-lying across Jackie and he puts his hand into her pants. He says, "just take 'em off.... Doesn't it feel good to you?" Jackie says: "Yes. It feels too good. I don't trust myself to take them off." Dino responds: "So let me take them off." He starts to take her pants off, and before she stops him viewers are granted a glimpse of her underwear. In a later scene Jackie is relenting; she tells Dino, "My parents are going out of town tonight...And I was thinking maybe it was time for us to, ya know, do it." They make plans to get together later.
Dino and Ben pressure their friend Jonathan to say whether he would prefer to have sex with his own mother or with his own father.
Dino observes his mother, in her bra, kissing his hockey coach as they undress each other.
Jonathan's parents also contribute to the pervasive smuttiness. Jonathan is shown in the bathroom shaving, when his mother knocks on the door. He tells her he's shaving, but his father calls out, "God, Mary, give the kid a break. He's probably masturbating." Jonathan says, "Hey! I can hear you! Go away! And I'm shaving!" His father then says, "Whatever. It's all good. Take your time, son."
Ben is attracted to a pretty teacher, Miss Young, who flirts with him, causing him to say "All I can think about is doing her on her desk." In class he gazes at her rear end, as does the camera. In another scene viewers see Ben backstage in the theater watching Miss Young, behind a curtain, changing clothes. She takes off her bra and turns around and looks at him seductively. In still another scene, she is flirting with him again and they move toward each other and are about to kiss when someone's headlights flash on them, and she leaves.
Miss Young is shown rehearsing the girls' dance team; she encourages them to gyrate their hips and pelvises suggestively, urging them to "get into it."
Cameras linger lasciviously on high school girls' backsides and pelvic regions.
Ben and Jonathan watch Dino and Jackie kissing passionately in school before classes start; Jonathan says, "How does he get action before homeroom?" to which Ben replies, "He's Dino. He gets it whenever he wants it."
Student Deborah shares beer with Jonathan, loosening him up for seduction. Although he's reluctant because she is overweight, he eventually succumbs. Soon Ben, Dino and Jackie are shown watching Jonathan and Deborah necking on the beach. Dino says, "Oh my god, it's like feeding time at a pork farm." Then Dino and Ben, to embarrass him, call out: "Jonathan!" He looks up, but Deborah pulls him down into her embrace again. Later Deborah approaches Jonathan in school and rubs her foot along his leg, moving it up along his upper thigh close to his groin area. In an aside to the camera, Jonathan says, "her foot on my leg ... makes me horny. You see, Deborah's a woman. She's got an ass and boobs you can really grab onto..."
Teen drinking is also featured in several other scenes, with characters stealing alcohol from their parents or buying it with false ID. In one scene, the teacher Miss Young follows Ben into a liquor store and helps Ben pass himself off as old enough to buy alcohol. She then gives him a ride in her car and when she drops him off, they are shown kissing passionately.
Profanities such as "crap," "ass," "boobs," "prick," "sucks," "blows/blew," "pissed," etc. are commonly used.
There is a running joke about a swollen vein on Jonathan's penis, allowing for incessant repetition of the word "penis" and dialogue speculating about whether it might have been caused by masturbation or by Jonathan's sex play with Deborah.
Jonathan and Ben are bantering about their sex lives. Jonathan says, "And Deborah's totally down tonight, too. She can hardly keep her hands off of me." Ben responds, "Maybe she thinks you're hiding a donut." Jonathan says, "Funny. And by the way, when you're playing with your hand puppet tonight, I'm gonna be the one in the corner getting a piece."
Jonathan and Deborah are shown sitting in the bleachers, kissing and fondling each other. Jonathan is groping her, thinking he's stroking her buttocks, but Deborah says: "Jonathan,...that's my purse."
At a big party at Jackie's house while her parents are away, Jackie says to another girl, "Sue!! There are people having sex in my parent's bed." Sue answers, "Wait, wait, in it, or on it? Because there is a huge difference." To calm Jackie down, Sue tells her to enjoy herself and tells her she can have any of the college guys there.
At the same party, Dino asks Ben why he rejected a certain girl who was coming on to him. Ben says, "I heard she's a total tease, man." Dino responds, "Dude, her tongue was practically in your ear; that's not teasing," to which Ben replies, "...she's been with a lot of guys. I don't wanna be the caboose, ya know."
When Jonathan arrives at the party, he tries to kiss Deborah, saying "Let's get this party started," but she answers, "You leave me here waiting and you expect me just to jump your bones?"