In late April of 2009, the Supreme Court ruled that the FCC does indeed have the authority to fine television broadcasters for airing so-called “fleeting expletives” like the “F-bombs” uttered by Cher and Nicole Richie during the 2002 and 2003 Billboard Awards, respectively.  After years of legal maneuvering, the ruling finally puts the networks on notice that their live broadcasts must protect young viewers.  Too bad cable broadcasters openly flout that message.  The septic 2009 MTV Movie Awards (May 31, 9:00 p.m. ET) was a wall-to-wall trash-fest specifically targeted at young viewers. This special reveled in the fact that the FCC has no jurisdiction over the cable networks by airing swarms of profanity, crude sexual content, and an outrageous stunt featuring Sacha Baron Cohen’s naked rear-end and Eminem’s face.  For its vile antics, the 2009 MTV Movie Awards has been named Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

Sadly, Sasha Baron Cohen’s buttocks weren’t the only naked body parts to appear on the show.  In fact, in the opening movie parodies, host Andy Samberg is stripped naked by Kate Winslet from The Reader.  He’s transported into a scene from Star Trek and finally ends up in Justin Timberlake’s limousine.  Andy’s genitals are blurred when he crawls over Justin as he exits the limo. 

Later, once-respectable artists – LeAnn Rimes, Chris Isaak, and Forest Whitaker – pay homage to some of Samberg’s more memorable songs such as “Jizz in My Pants,” “Dick in a Box,” and “Motherlover.”  Here’s a sample of some of the various lyrics:

(“Jizz in My Pants”)

“I jizz right in my pants every time you're next to me. And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me. You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy. I wear a rubber at all times, it's a necessity.”

(“Motherlover”)

“I’m a Mother Lover.  You’re a Mother Lover.  We should [bleeped “f***”] each others’ mothers.”

The expletives just keep on rolling with the introduction of the “WTF Award.”  Presenter Hayden Panitierre explains, “I know most of you are wondering, what the [bleeped “f***”] is the WTF Award? For those of you living in a cave, WTF means, ‘What the [bleeped “f***”].’”

Comedienne Amy Poehler ultimately wins the award.  During her acceptance speech, she states, “Holy [bleeped “s***”] I can't believe I won the What The [bleeped “F***”] award... I'm [bleeped “f***ing ”] somewhere else.... I almost [bleeped “f***ing”] [bleeped “s***”] my pants when I found out and its [bleeped “f***ing”] amazing to win awards in general. But to the win the What The [bleeped “F***”] award is just [bleeped “f***ing”] so [bleeped “f***ing”] cool, holy [bleeped “s***”]... Adam Samwich you're doing a [bleeped “f***ing”] amazing job hosting and your [bleeped “d***”] looks amazing so keep it up.”

The musical performances were also filled with profanities.  Eminem’s rendition of “Crack a Bottle” kept the censor’s thumb on the mute button with lyrics like, “Kiss my butt. Lick the fumunda cheese from under my [bleeped “n*ts”]… It’s a must I redeem my name n haters get mushed.  [bleeped “b*tches”] lust.  Man they love me when I lay in the cut.”

The most shocking moment of the show came when Sacha Baron Cohen descended from the rafters as the flamboyantly gay character Bruno.  Dressed in angel wings and basically nothing else, Cohen’s wire rigging supposedly malfunctions, flipping him upside-down - naked buttocks fully exposed.  He is lowered onto a supposedly unsuspecting Eminem whose face is precariously close to Cohen’s exposed rear-end.  Eminem screams, “Are you serious? Are you [bleeped “f***ing”] serious? Yo, get this [bleeped “motherf*****”] off me, man!”  Once Eminem’s bodyguards liberate him, he storms out of the auditorium, cursing in disgust. 

After days of speculation, Eminem admitted that the entire stunt was staged.  He knew beforehand that Cohen would be lowered onto him.  They even practiced it in a dress (or rather, an undressed) rehearsal.  Unlike “fleeting expletives” blurted out spontaneously by overly-exuberant award winners, MTV’s vulgarities were pre-planned.  And guess what?  All cable subscribers paid for it, whether they watched it or not.  Since subscriptions are “bundled,” each household is forced to pay for content that they might find objectionable – like this repulsive farce of an awards show.

For foul language, crude sexual content, nudity, and for forcing unsuspecting cable subscribers to pay for it, the 2009 MTV Movie Awards has been named Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

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