Glenn Martin, DDS on Nickelodeon

It is no secret that prime-time TV on the broadcast networks are deluged with sex and gore. Many cable networks are, too. But what a sad commentary it is when a network which exists only to serve children also serves up the same kind of sleazy content? Unfortunately, this is the case on cable network Nickelodeon, which is pushing the explicit violence and sexual content of the cartoon-like Claymation program Glenn Martin DDS  (Mondays, 8:00 p.m. ET) as the ideal program for kids and their parents to watch together. The November 9^th episode once again reveled in disgusting content and justly earned the title of Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

The episode opens with the peripatetic Martin clan arriving in Los Angeles, where wife Jackie decides to look up her former boyfriend Gary, who is now a wealthy plastic surgeon. When Gary holds a pool party for the Martins, the viewer is bombarded with sexual references and innuendo:

Glenn talks to Gene Simmons, trying to remember what band Gene was with.

Gene Simmons: “Kiss.”

Glenn: “Eh, why not? It's LA.”

Glenn kisses Gene.  Gary approaches.

Gary: “Hey! Gene, Glenn, Gary! We should call this the G-spot.”

Gene Simmons: “Speaking of G-spots, I've slept with 10,000 women.”

Gary: “Yeah, I can see that on your t-shirt.”

Gene Simmons: “Oh, I haven't updated this since I got out of the grotto.”

Gene's t-shirt says "10,000 Satisfied Ladies". Gene clicks on a counter, which raises the number from 10,000 to 10,004. Jackie approaches.

Jackie: “Could I talk to you in private?”

Gene Simmons: “You bet. This won't take long, fellas.”

Gene sticks out an absurdly oversized tongue, which curls around Jackie's face and licks her ear.

Jackie proves resistant to Gene Simmons’ charms…though a flashback reveals she was not always so reticent:

Two dates at Jackie’s high school prom fight over her.

Boy: “Jackie, the skin is the largest organ on the body.”

Glenn: “It's not the largest organ on MY body!”

Jackie blushes.

Jackie: “I'll be going with Glenn.”

When Glenn becomes temporarily seduced by the easy money and celebrity friendships of being a Beverly Hills dentist; but still obsessed with Jackie, Gary transforms himself into a replica of Glenn, and the two have a brutal fistfight. In keeping with Glenn Martin co-creator Eric Fogel’s previous series Celebrity Deathmatch, this episode also displayed copious gore, as when Glenn watches Gary perform surgery on a woman. Gary wields a chainsaw and slashes it at the woman's face. Bits of flesh and blood fly through the air and splat on the window pane.

And naturally – this being Glenn Martin, DDS – no episode could be complete without a reference to the huge anal cavity possessed by Glenn’s dog Canine:

Glenn walks into Gary's plastic surgery practice with Canine. A rich lady holds a small poodle.

Lady: “Your dog's anus is gigantic!”

Glenn: “Uh, yeah, it's kinda –“

Lady: “Who does his work? I must get that done for Muffy!”

At the time of Glenn Martin’s premiere, Nickelodeon President Cyma Zarghami stated that the network had “been hearing from our audience a lot about how parents and kids are wanting to spend more time together…[Glenn Martin] has the potential to be a definitional program in Nick at Nite's lineup of family comedies.”

Apparently, references to genitalia, promiscuity and anal cavities, as well as open depictions of graphic violence, are what Zarghami has in mind for family audiences. Certainly her network thinks so – it rated this episode PG.

For its corrosive content aimed at children, Glenn Martin, DDS is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

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