Jersey Shore on MTV

Italian-Americans have a long heritage of tremendous contribution to American culture, from cuisine to appreciation for opera and the arts, to name only two. Unfortunately, they have often been subject to stereotyping and stigmatization in popular culture, from the mockery of the titular “li’l immigrant” on the radio program Life with Luigi to an image as Mafiosi, from the gangster films of the 1930s through The Godfather and up to the recent HBO program The Sopranos.  But such portrayals were kindly and sympathetic compared to the image of Italian-Americans now being promoted on MTV’s latest grotesque “reality show” Jersey Shore (Thursdays, 10:00 p.m. ET) – a program which has more than earned the designation of Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

Jersey Shore is yet another of MTV’s “reality” programs like The Real World, in which twenty somethings cohabitate, get drunk, have sex, get drunk, fight, and get drunk. But rather than the shallow palette usually drawn upon by MTV for these shows (inevitably, casts have included one African-American, one gay man, one intolerant Christian, one sex-crazed woman, and so forth), for this show MTV decided to eschew its typical multi-cultural approach in favor of grossly stereotyped Italian-Americans. MTV’s casting call for Jersey Shore advertised for “loud and proud Italians under 30, the proudest guidos and guidettes.” Online sources define a “guido” as “a working-class urban American of Italian-American descent, often portrayed as thuggish with an overtly macho attitude, [and] characterized by obnoxious conspicuous consumption and a vaguely New York accent.”

This dry definition loosely tallies with the characteristics of the cretins cast in Jersey Shore – though it leaves out the mind-numbing narcissism and ignorance they so blithely display. During his self-introduction in the first episode, Pauly reveals how poor a credit he is to his heritage: “I love bein’ a guido. It’s bein’ Italian! It’s representin’ fyamily, friends, tannin’, gel, everyt’ing! I don’ try ta take a lotta guys’ goilfriens, but it just ends up happenin’…Dere’s no way I’m goin’ ta Joisey wid’out my haih gel!”

Nor does MTV stint on humiliating the distaff side of the Italian-American equation.  Sammi (a.k.a. “Sweetheart” – on MTV programs it is de rigueur for nearly every cast member to have a ridiculous nickname) explains what constitutes the female equivalent of a “guido,” the “guidette”: “A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has really tanned skin, wears the hottest heels. I never go out without my hair extensions… Your #1 mission is ta find the hottest guido an’ take him home. If you’re not a guido you can get the [bleeped ‘f***’] outta my face!”

And so it goes with the other characters’ introductions: Angelica pays herself the dubious compliment of being “the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island,” then boasts, “I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. I mean, I’m hot!” as she yanks her pants down and moons the camera. Jenni (“Jwoww”) is shown in fishnets and a leather bra, straddling a man as she gives him a lap dance. “I am like a praying mantis. After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off. I send ‘em on the roller coaster ride to Hell…I have so many girls hate on me, ‘cuz whatever they are, they can’t compare to me!” she says, as she brushes makeup onto her exposed cleavage. Nicole (“Snooki”) states that, “I wanna marry a guido. My ultimate dream is ta move ta Joisey, find a nice, juiced, hot, tanned, guy, an’ live my life. Guido applications accepted ovah heah!” she screams at a crowd of men. The male housemate list is completed by Mike (who has nicknamed himself “The Situation” in honor of his “ripped abs”); Ronnie, who reveals his deeply sensitive nature and innate respect for women by stating, “The whole thing about this is pretty much getting laid…Just take your shirt off, they come to you. Just like a fly comes to [bleeped ‘s***’]”; and, of course, Vinny (this all-Italian-mockery cast wouldn’t be complete without someone named “Vinny”), who briefly raises viewers’ hopes by stating, “Most people might consider being a guido like you’re stupid, but I went to school, graduated college.” Unfortunately, Vinny follows his claim to erudition with the words, “I’m proud to be a [bleeped ‘f******’] guido!”

After a montage showing a flurry of spaghetti restaurants, pizza joints, and Italian flags, the housemates arrive at their home for the summer (the garage door of which is painted with a huge flag of Italy). After introducing themselves to each other, the group immediately begins drinking. “Snooki” wastes no time grabbing her new (male) housemate’s crotches. When the other girls reject her, she leaves the room to pout…but quickly recovers, joining the men in a hot tub. Wearing only her bra and a leopard-print thong, “Snooki” climbs on the guys’ laps, then tries to kiss another girl.

The cast’s adventures continue, with “Snooki” asking another girl to hold her hair while she vomits into a toilet (responds “Sweetheart,” “I don’t have time for stupid bimbos”); Vinny waving a Bible and demanding the group pray at dinnertime, before breaking up in raucous laughter; and the men bringing in three women they picked up off the street. “Sweetheart” objects, “We’re not tryin’ ta grab three douchebags off the street an’ bring ‘em in here ta be rude ta you,” to which Pauly wittily ripostes, “Dis is da Joisey shoah! Whaddaya ‘spect us ta do, play wit’ each uddah?”

The second episode was more of the same (MTV is showing two episodes of this detritus each Thursday, apparently to double viewers’ pain). After her drunken experiences the first night, “Snooki” realizes that her housemates “got the impression I’m a crazy, slutty-ass girl,” but vows to make her time on the Shore an opportunity for personal growth: ”The experience, it’s making me grow up,” she says, then states in her very next breath, “I’m ready to meet a sexy guido. I’m ready to be [bleeped ‘f******’] single!” She picks up a man at a bar and invites him home in hopes of having sex; but when he vomits on the furniture, the crestfallen “Snooki” laments, “I really have bad luck with guys.”

The rest of the episode shows the women being lazy at their job selling T-shirts at a beachfront shop, as the guys work out in a gym (not forgetting to liberally apply hair gel afterwards); “Jwoww” betraying her back-home boyfriend by petting with Pauly (“You have your penis pierced! I love it!” she squeals in delight); and another feud between the men and the women, as the men bring three more “trashy skanks” into the house to have sex with. The episode concludes with the “guidos” getting in a bar fight and upsetting Angelina, who threatens Mike with what is apparently the most fearsome fate that can befall a “guido”: “I will cut your hair while you’re sleeping!”

Jersey Shore has drawn a blistering response, both from Italian-American groups (“Bimbos and buffoons. This is how we're being portrayed. It's worse than I could have ever imagined, the lowest form of stereotyping you can ever see,” said André DiMino, President of Unico National) and from representatives of New Jersey tourism (“MTV is providing a one-dimensional, dramatized version of a very small group of visitors' summer experiences in one Jersey Shore town," said Daniel Cappello, Executive Director of the Jersey Shore Convention and Visitors Bureau). As a result of the negative publicity, Domino's Pizza and American Family Insurance have withdrawn from advertising on the seamy show, and critics have vowed to target Taco Bell, Victoria's Secret, Sony, and Subway, among others advertising on the program.

MTV even claims to received death threats from some members of the public. If so, they have their own bigotry to blame: "Our intention was never to stereotype, discriminate or offend," said an MTV spokeswoman in a ridiculously disingenuous attempt at damage control. But while outrage among proud Italians is understandable, it is not only Italian-Americans who should be offended by Jersey Shore – it is anyone with a heartbeat and a brain.

For gross ethnic stereotyping, and glamorizing drunkenness, promiscuity, and loutish behavior, Jersey Shore is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

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