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The Worst Cable Content of the Week


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Nip/Tuck on FX

Episode Summary




The FX network’s Nip/Tuck is now officially on its last legs. The program’s end was announced months ago, and it is now in its final season of episodes. But even as the depraved drama continues its interminable march to oblivion, it retains the power to disgust, making the January 20th episode of Nip/Tuck (Wednesdays, 10:00 p.m. ET) the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week  


While there are always sidelines containing soap opera-ish elements on Nip/Tuck, the main point of the show is apparently to slake creator Ryan Murphy’s unquenchable thirst for ever-more bizarre forms of sexual expression. This past week, the show’s focus was upon the practice of auto-erotic asphyxiation, in which an individual strangles himself or his/her partner during sex.

Supposedly, depriving the brain of oxygen heightens and intensifies orgasm. (It also originates from poor judgment and ultimately causes brain damage. One must speculate whether the “inspiration” for Nip/Tuck came at just such a moment?)


The seamy story begins when patient Mr. Wise reveals his scarred neck, rhapsodizing about the joys of strangling himself while masturbating:


Wise: “I wasn't trying to commit suicide, I was masturbating. Auto-erotic asphyxiation gone awry.”


Christian: “You risk dying for an orgasm?”


Wise: “It wasn't just an orgasm. It was the orgasm of a lifetime! You have no idea…Cut off the flow of blood and oxygen to the brain, your d*** gets unbelievably hard.  It's why these guys who are hung get these huge stonking boners and ejaculate when they die…You get this euphoria. It's like you've got one foot in heaven.”


With his interest in every deviant form of sex, Christian tries the practice. Attempting to stimulate their sex life, Christian uses the asphyxiation technique with former porn star, former lover, and current wife Kimber, nearly killing her.  In a “moment of clarity,” Christian kicks Kimber out of the house, claiming he is not good for her. Failing to restart her affair with a fellow doctor, Kimber jumps into the ocean and is presumed dead.


But naturally, the episode would not be complete without a scene of Christian trying the technique himself. Naked except for underwear, Christian is shown hanging a belt in the bathroom. He hangs himself and masturbates, as the viewer hears his thoughts:


Christian: “That s***head was right! Feels like an orgasm everywhere -- my feet, my shoulder. Oh God, I'm gonna come!”


Christian slips on the floor and starts to choke to death.


Christian: “Oh s***, can't move, can't breathe. Stand up and take the g****** belt off!”


Sadly, Christian manages to keep from dying. If only this scene had been saved for the last episode of the series! The sight of the repulsive, sex-crazed Christian literally killing himself in his quest for twisted sex would almost have made it worth sitting through the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.


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