Cable television in the past week offered – well, not an “embarrassment of riches,” since that expression usually conveys a wealth of positive and enjoyable goods or experiences. But certainly there were more than enough contenders for the title of Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

South Park returned to Comedy Central for its 14^th (!) season, with the potty-mouthed pre-teens once again indulging in their trademarked brand of so-called “satire.” The targets this time were celebrities caught in sex scandals; and while the hypocrisy of such figures begs for mockery, putting the mocking words into the mouths of little children makes the comedy more difficult to swallow.

FX ended the first season of its cartoon series Archer, and premiered a new adult drama, Justified. Archer was every bit as disappointing as previously, with the show’s quality animation used to push a series of smutty jokes and endless scenes of men and women having sex. And while Justified – at least, judging from the first episode --  appeared to be less egregious than other FX offerings like Nip/Tuck and The Shield, it too was filled with profanity, bloody violence and incessant racist epithets…all typical of the “adult” and “mature” sensibility FX cultivates.

But in terms of sheer stomach-churning grotesquerie, the March 16^th episode of Spike’s Blue Mountain State (Tuesdays, 10:00 p.m. ET) once again wins the dubious title of Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

In this episode, slacker second-string quarterback Alex is the recipient of a letter from one Ronnie, a middle-aged, die-hard football fan and supporter of BMS. Infatuated with the idea of being the father-in-law of a college football star, Ronnie pushes Alex to take his daughter Michelle out on a date. So far, so far-fetched; but a workable premise for a silly knockabout comedy. But what pushes this idea completely out of the bounds of reality – and into the toilet – is the tone taken by the show’s creators when dealing with the character of the father, Ronnie. Here is some actual dialogue from the program:

Michelle's Father Ronnie drives Alex and Michelle home, and urges them to have sex.

Ronnie (to Michelle): “Wait a minute aren't you gonna go up with him? Are you serious? He's nice. He's handsome. Christ, if I were a girl your age I would have gotten things rolling on the way home. Now go. Go on. Have fun. You kids take your time now. Don't rush on account of me.”

Alex and Michelle decline to have sex. When Michelle returns a few minutes later,  

Ronnie: “Well, that was quick. Short and sweet, huh baby? Very thoughtful, too. He probably has practice in the morning.”

When Alex repeatedly refuses to have sex with Michelle, Ronnie tells him,

Ronnie: “I have two other single daughters that might be more your speed. Rebecca's fifteen in December. I know that technically that ain't legal. But you won't tell, I won't tell. Just let me know, you got first dibs.”

And when Michelle is dressing for another date,

Ronnie: “No, sweetheart, not that outfit, the other one I got for you, the one that shows some real skin!”

Here we have nothing less than a father who is pimping his own daughters out to a stranger, even offering to let him rape one underage girl. What a delightful, charming source of humor.

But the show isn’t done. When Alex makes it absolutely clear he is not interested in dating Ronnie’s daughters, Ronnie steals one of Alex’s used condoms and threatens Alex:

Ronnie: “You been messing with the wrong family, you little s***. Date my daughter and we can forget any of this ever happened. Don't date her,  and who knows what I might do with this semen.”

Sammy: “What the hell would he want your used condom for?”

Alex: “He wants me to be his son. If he uses my semen to get Michelle pregnant then I'll be trapped. He thinks he'll be my dad.”

Desperate to retrieve his condom from Ronnie, Alex recruits teammate Thad to help him. Thad succeeds in stealing it back from Ronnie -- leading to a final vomit-inducing moment in the episode. Thad takes the used condom from his mouth where he was hiding it, stating, “He was gonna get it.”

Rape, child molestation, forcible impregnation of one’s own daughters, eating used condoms…just another light-hearted, fun-filled week for the mouth-breathing morons who watch Spike. The idea that anyone could find this kind of content humorous goes beyond disgusting and pathetic into frightening. Parents, and all people of good will, should genuinely fear for the future of our republic, when the young men of America are being told that manhood means sharing the sentiments put forward by Blue Mountain State. 

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