“Please know that I am
committed to making season eight of Two and a Half Men as easy for you as
possible. I have vowed to eliminate all the penis jokes, vagina jokes, boob
jokes, orgasm jokes, masturbation jokes, oral sex jokes, prison sex jokes,
insertion jokes, pee jokes, poop jokes, booger jokes, puke jokes, fart jokes and
ethnic jokes that have caused you and your colleagues at broadcast standards so
much distress. Going forward, I sincerely hope this letter helps you to put
aside any worries you might have about the creative direction of the show.
P.S. Look forward to hearing
your comments regarding tonight’s episode, which dealt with Jake having a ménage
a trois while Charlie drinks himself to death and Alan gets caught banging
Jake’s best friend’s drug addled mom.”
With this proclamation on
his traditional closing-credits "memo," producer Chuck Lorre sneers at the very
notion of networks maintaining any sort of standards whatsoever. Clearly, the
producer believes it is his "right" to use the airwaves – airwaves which are
owned, not by CBS, and certainly not by Lorre, but by the American people – for
any language or action, no matter how crass, which he personally finds humorous.
Both the disgustingly lowbrow "humor" present within the program, and the
overweening arrogance on display after it, combined to make the September 20th
fall premiere of CBS' Two and a Half Men (9:00 p.m. ET) the Worst
TV Show of the Week.
The plot of the odious
season opener finds teenager Jake confronted by his father Alan, who has seen
two girls sneaking away from the house. Alan prepares to storm into Jake's room
and get to the bottom of the situation. Since this is Two and a Half Men,
Alan does not suspect Jake of visiting with the girls, or even kissing them. No,
the first assumption of this show's sex-crazed parental character is...
Alan: "The possibility of my
son hosting an orgy."
Charlie: "Now, not to be a
stickler, but technically an orgy requires a minimum of six participants. It
goes: masturbation, one on one, threesome, two couples swinging, two couples
swinging with a lookie-loo, orgy 6."
Alan: "It frightens me that
you know that."
Charlie: "Everybody knows
Alan: "Whatever you call it,
it needs to be nipped in the bud."
Charlie: "Now we're talking
three girls and a guy named Bud."
Naturally, when Jake comes
out of his room, Charlie starts cheering about "two hotties" in his room and
tries to high five and hug him. Not that either Charlie or Alan are paragons of
virtue; the sleazy show revels in cramming in as much explicit sexual content as
possible in 22 minutes plus commercials. For example, Jake is enraged to
discover that Alan is dating his friend Eldridge's mother Lindsey – if by "date"
one means "having explicitly described kinky sex with." After graphic dialogue
about genitals and whipped cream (don't ask), and later jokes about a dog
attacking his crotch, Alan attempts to complain about his son not allowing him
to enjoy his sexual escapades:
Charlie: "You could have not
slept with his friend's mother in the first place."
Alan: "Really? You're
going to preach sexual restraint to me?"
Charlie: "Let me explain
something to you, Alan, Jake expects me to betray his trust. You, on the other
hand, are held to a higher standard... you're like a right wing family values
senator caught on his knees in an airport toilet with a male hooker."
And the sleaze never stops,
with further remarks about Alan's current hookup having made a pornographic
movie (explicitly described by Alan's friend Herb), and a scene at the end
involving Charlie watching the movie in question. Pornography, implied teenage
orgies, kinky sex...CBS has it all, on at 8:00 p.m. Central/Mountain...and Chuck
Lorre couldn't be prouder. Is it any wonder that Two and a Half Men is
the Worst TV Show of the Week?
CONTACT THE ADVERTISERS! See who is
sponsoring Two and a Half Men by going to the
Family Guide page and clicking on the
"who is sponsoring" button. From there you will see a list of advertisers and
their contact information. Please consider contacting them and ask them to
support family-friendly TV!
Parents Television Council,
Clean Up TV Now, Because our children are watching, The
nation's most influential advocacy organization, Protecting
children against sex, violence and profanity in
entertainment, Parents Television Council Seal of Approval,
and Family Guide to Prime Time Television
are trademarks of the Parents Television Council.