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Two and a Half Men on CBS

“Please know that I am committed to making season eight of Two and a Half Men as easy for you as possible.  I have vowed to eliminate all the penis jokes, vagina jokes, boob jokes, orgasm jokes, masturbation jokes, oral sex jokes, prison sex jokes, insertion jokes, pee jokes, poop jokes, booger jokes, puke jokes, fart jokes and ethnic jokes that have caused you and your colleagues at broadcast standards so much distress.  Going forward, I sincerely hope this letter helps you to put aside any worries you might have about the creative direction of the show.

P.S. Look forward to hearing your comments regarding tonight’s episode, which dealt with Jake having a ménage a trois while Charlie drinks himself to death and Alan gets caught banging Jake’s best friend’s drug addled mom.”

With this proclamation on his traditional closing-credits "memo," producer Chuck Lorre sneers at the very notion of networks maintaining any sort of standards whatsoever. Clearly, the producer believes it is his "right" to use the airwaves – airwaves which are owned, not by CBS, and certainly not by Lorre, but by the American people – for any language or action, no matter how crass, which he personally finds humorous. Both the disgustingly lowbrow "humor" present within the program, and the overweening arrogance on display after it, combined to make the September 20^th fall premiere of CBS' Two and a Half Men (9:00 p.m. ET) the Worst TV Show of the Week.  

The plot of the odious season opener finds teenager Jake confronted by his father Alan, who has seen two girls sneaking away from the house. Alan prepares to storm into Jake's room and get to the bottom of the situation. Since this is Two and a Half Men, Alan does not suspect Jake of visiting with the girls, or even kissing them. No, the first assumption of this show's sex-crazed parental character is...

Alan: "The possibility of my son hosting an orgy."

Charlie: "Now, not to be a stickler, but technically an orgy requires a minimum of six participants.  It goes: masturbation, one on one, threesome, two couples swinging, two couples swinging with a lookie-loo, orgy 6."

Alan: "It frightens me that you know that."

Charlie: "Everybody knows that."

Alan: "Whatever you call it, it needs to be nipped in the bud."

Charlie: "Now we're talking three girls and a guy named Bud."

Naturally, when Jake comes out of his room, Charlie starts cheering about "two hotties" in his room and tries to high five and hug him. Not that either Charlie or Alan are paragons of virtue; the sleazy show revels in cramming in as much explicit sexual content as possible in 22 minutes plus commercials. For example, Jake is enraged to discover that Alan is dating his friend Eldridge's mother Lindsey – if by "date" one means "having explicitly described kinky sex with."  After graphic dialogue about genitals and whipped cream (don't ask), and later jokes about a dog attacking his crotch, Alan attempts to complain about his son not allowing him to enjoy his sexual escapades:

Charlie: "You could have not slept with his friend's mother in the first place."

Alan: "Really? You're going to preach sexual restraint to me?"

Charlie: "Let me explain something to you, Alan, Jake expects me to betray his trust.  You, on the other hand, are held to a higher standard... you're like a right wing family values senator caught on his knees in an airport toilet with a male hooker."

And the sleaze never stops, with further remarks about Alan's current hookup having made a pornographic movie (explicitly described by Alan's friend Herb), and a scene at the end involving Charlie watching the movie in question.  Pornography, implied teenage orgies, kinky sex...CBS has it all, on at 8:00 p.m. Central/Mountain...and Chuck Lorre couldn't be prouder. Is it any wonder that Two and a Half Men is the Worst TV Show of the Week?

CONTACT THE ADVERTISERS! See who is sponsoring Two and a Half Men by going to the Family Guide page and clicking on the "who is sponsoring" button. From there you will see a list of advertisers and their contact information. Please consider contacting them and ask them to support family-friendly TV!