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WARNING: Graphic Content!!! Do NOT push play if you don't want to see the explicit video!!!

Worst TV Show of the Week

Love Bites on NBC

The broadcast networks continually fret about cable’s growing influence. At last year’s Emmy Awards, cable networks nabbed seventeen statuettes, while the four broadcast networks took home nine. As shows vie for Emmy nods for this year’s awards, that trend will likely hold as this past broadcast network season has been abysmal for new shows.

For years, the broadcasters have lamented that the relative freedom on cable television has allowed its competitor to produce edgier content. And as a result, network shows have been pushing the envelope, trying to keep pace with cable. Enter NBC’s Love Bites, a show produced by Cindy Chupak, formerly producer of HBO’s Sex in the City. Chupak and company have loaded Love Bites (Thursdays, 10:00 p.m. ET) with wall-to-wall sexual content better suited for cable television, but a perfect candidate for Worst TV Show of the Week.  

Structured as three loosely-linked vignettes a la Love American Style, Love Bites treads through the minefield of love, relationships and, of course, sex. Lots of it. If the pilot episode which aired on June 2^nd is any indication, every segment focuses on it. In the first vignette, a single woman lies about being a virgin to seem more interesting to a man she’s just met. As an opener, it’s relatively tame, but the second storyline proved to be graphically provocative.

Carter can’t bring himself to tell his fiancée, Liz, that he had just gotten laid off. He trudges home to find her in bed, masturbating with a vibrator. Amid the steady buzz, he can hear her moaning in pleasure. Apparently, the “Maserati” of vibrators – as she calls it -- has just given her the first real orgasm of her life. She tries to reassure him that the orgasms she has had with him were an “A,” but now that she has experienced what an “A+” feels like, he can’t help but worry that he can never measure up. In an attempt to “know his enemy,” he visits a sex shop to see what bells and whistles the Maserati comes equipped with. He’s clearly no match, yet, he’s determined to pleasure her.

In the morning, he is depicted underneath the covers performing oral sex on her. As the time ticks away, she needs things to move along more quickly, suggesting to him, “You wanna take the Maserati out and drive this home?” Frustrated, he replies, “So I’m what, the fluffer?” (referring to the role of a person on a porn set tasked with keeping the male performers erect while off-camera). Later that day, Carter interviews with a headhunter, but his tongue is sprained, causing him to speak with a lisp.

In retaliation, Carter introduces his own sexual enhancers to the bedroom: porn. He pops in a pornographic video to watch with Liz, who – to his surprise – enjoys it. She once again takes out the Maserati and they successfully reach orgasm with the buzz of the vibrator and the soundtrack of porn in the background.

In the last vignette, a married man, Judd, comes face-to-face with the actress on the top of his “Celebrity Exception List” – Jennifer Love Hewitt – during a cross-country flight. The hypothetical list gives one permission to cheat on a spouse with the famous person of their choosing…with the assumption that it would never happen in a million years. In this case, however, Judd’s celebrity list fortuitously matches Jennifer Love Hewitt’s to-do list. At the top of her to-do list: have sex on a plane. Judd frantically finds a condom and meets Jennifer in the bathroom for their mile-high rendezvous. The condom drops on the floor and “fasten seatbelt” sign turn on, giving Judd to opportunity to think twice and ultimately back out.

It will be interesting to see if NBC’s merger with cable-provider Comcast continues to blur the line between broadcast and cable decency. The networks would love nothing more than to have the decency laws no longer apply to them in the hopes that racy content will boost viewership. But as the horrible ratings for Loves Bites prove, sexier doesn’t always mean better.

For salacious sexual content, Love Bites has been named Worst TV Show of the Week