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Worst TV Show of the Week

 Two and a Half Men on CBS

Amid all the chaos over the past year on and off the set of Two and a Half Men, one thing has never changed: the show’s low-brow humor. It remains to be seen how the show’s creator, Chuck Lorre, and his team of writers can translate Ashton Kutcher’s goofball/pretty-boy persona into the washed-up middle-aged lothario that Charlie Sheen so effortlessly portrayed. With Sheen out and Kutcher in, will the show lose its edge? Will Kutcher come off as more arrogant than pitiful (which arguably gave Sheen’s Charlie an air of wish fulfillment)? Will people still tune in? We’ll just have to wait and see, but in the meantime, the summer reruns of Two and a Half Men (Mondays 9:00 p.m. ET) remind us just how tasteless the show is. For brash sexual dialogue, the June 20^th rerun of the Two and a Half Men episode titled “Hookers, Hookers, Hookers “ which originally aired on October 11^th 2010, rightfully deserves the title of Worst TV Show of the Week.

With his tail tucked between his legs, Alan moves back in with Charlie after accidentally burning down his fiancée’s home. Lindsey and her teenage son, Eldridge, are also forced to live with Charlie after the fire. Understandably, she’s in a sour mood. During one scene, Charlie gets bored watching TV with Alan and Lindsey.

Charlie: “You guys are no fun; I'm going to call a hooker.”

Lindsey: “Charlie, there's two young boys in the house.”

Charlie: Let them get their own hookers.

Alan: “Charlie, for God's sake.”

Charlie: “Don't worry, I'm a responsible uncle.”

Alan: “That's nice to know.”

Charlie: “I promise I'll get a quiet prostitute.”

Alan: “Believe it or not, that's a real concession on his part.”

Charlie can't find his phone and realizes he left it at Lindsey's house.  He gets up to leave.

Alan: “You're going over there now?”

Charlie: “All my hooker numbers are in that phone.  So unless you want to have sex with me for $1000 an hour, I need the phone.”

Charlie leaves.

Alan: “You don't really think he'd give me $1000 an hour?”

Lindsey: “If I were you I'd get the money up front.”

When Charlie arrives at Lindsey’s charred home he encounters her ex-husband, Chris, drinking by himself in what used to be the living room. A contemplative Chris admits that he was responsible for the divorce: “I probably shouldn’t have banged the babysitter.”

Soon Charlie and Chris are joined by Herb (the next door neighbor who happens to be married to Alan’s ex-wife), a random pizza guy, and Alan. As the odd group passes around the bottle of whiskey, it suddenly dawns on Charlie:

Charlie: “Hey, you know what I just realized? You three guys have all slept with each other.”

Guys: “What?!”

Herb: “With all due respect, Charlie, I think I'd remember that.”

Charlie: “No, no, think about it.  They say that when you have sex with someone

you're basically having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with.”

Pizza guy: “Wait, so Herb has slept with Alan and Alan has slept with Chris, which means....”

Herb: “I've slept with Lindsey!”

As they steadily get drunker, Charlie claims that he envies the lives of the other men, who have all been married and have had kids. “Look at me,” Charlie laments, “What do I have? A big house on the beach, more money than I know what to do with, and cell phone full of candid video of me having uninhibited sex with beautiful women whose names I don't remember."

With Ashton Kutcher now the star vehicle driving the show, one can only hope that he doesn’t drive it over the cliff. And if art does indeed imitate life, let’s hope Kutcher’s relatively low-key personal life rubs off on the show…because after eight years of non-stop sex jokes, the program -- and TV viewers -- could use a change of pace.

For sexually explicit dialogue, Two and a Half Men has been named Worst TV Show of the Week.