1%-5% of your purchase will help support the PTC.

Worst TV Show of the Week

Two and a Half Men on CBS

“If, in the past, you enjoyed thinking, ‘I can’t believe they just did that raunchy joke,’ you will not be disappointed in Two and a Half Men 2.0,” boasted the show’s producer Chuck Lorre in TV Guide. Indeed, the ninth season premiere of the CBS “comedy” amply demonstrated that the show’s sex-slathered sensibility is intact, despite the departure of star Charlie Sheen…and further episodes have proven that the program remains committed to using the public airwaves as a conduit for its corrosive content, making the September 26^th episode of CBS’ Two and a Half Men (9:00 p.m. ET) the Worst TV Show of the Week.  

The episode picks up where the premiere left off: with Charlie dead, his nebbish brother Alan is forced to move out of their shared house and in with his domineering, sex-crazed mother, Evelyn. (Actually, to prevent repetition, the reader should simply take it as given that everyone on this program is “sex-crazed.” Certainly, that is nearly all anyone ever thinks or talks about.)

Evelyn informs her son that she will be having sex with her date that evening. 

Evelyn: "We'll probably wind up having sex."

Alan: "Sure."

Evelyn: "Rough sex."

Alan: "Right."

Evelyn: "So, stay away from my bedroom."

Alan: "No problem."

Evelyn: "If you hear me screaming..."

Alan: "Especially if I hear you screaming."

Evelyn: "Unless I'm repeatedly screaming umbrella."

Alan: "Umbrella?"

Evelyn: "That's my safe word. Sometimes they can't hear it through the leather mask."

But Alan is tracked down by billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought Charlie’s house. Walden is despondent over his wife throwing him out and demanding a divorce. Earlier in the episode, viewers were treated to housekeeper Berta lusting over Walden:

Walden asks Berta if she'd consider staying on as his housekeeper.

The viewer hears Berta’s thoughts: "I'd also consider smothering you with my sweet, sweet loving."

Walden looks at the freezer and asks what is in the drawer.  She says ice and he says: "I like it better on top."

Berta's mental dialogue says: "Me, too, puppy."

Walden tells Alan that Berta is staying on as his housekeeper she says in her brain: "I wonder what his sweat tastes like."

As Walden walks out of the room, Berta says in her mind: "I could bite that ass like an apple."

Walden persuades Alan to go with him to his wife’s home, where Walden plans to beg her to take him back. However, the duo has an unfortunate encounter while sneaking over the fence: the ex turns on the electric fence as they are both straddling it.

Failing to reunite Walden and his ex, Alan and Walden return home, where they awaken the next morning:

Alan and Walden wake up snuggled up together on a deck chair with a pile of empty alcohol bottles next to them. They're both shirtless with a blanket over their waists. Alan wakes up first and realizes he's with Walden.

Walden: "Alan, why are you laying on top of me?"

Alan: "Because I didn't want to be on the bottom?"

Walden: "I think we're naked."

Alan: "Yeah, you can ignore what's going on down there. It's a morning reflex."

Walden: "Could you get it off of me please?"

Alan: "Absolutely, absolutely."

Walden: "Do you remember anything?"

Alan: "We went to a liquor store and then we came back here. And then we went skinny dipping."

Walden: " Whose idea was that?"

Berta: "Mine."

The camera pans over and Berta is in another chair covered by a blanket.

Viewers really should not be surprised at the program’s lack of wit and non-stop emphasis on sex and excrement jokes (Alan urinating in his pants as Walden drove too fast was another frequently-repeated gag on the episode). After nine seasons, it is clear both producer Lorre and his cast are not only accepting but even proud of the way their program corrupts children (CBS rates the program TV-14, acceptable for younger teens) and disgusts older viewers alike. As star Jon Cryer bragged, “We’re still deeply offensive. Anyone offended before will still be offended by this show.” What a pity CBS chooses to use the publicly-owned airwaves to deliberately offend viewers with the Worst TV Show of the Week.