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Worst TV Show of the Week

Allen Gregory on Fox

Though billed as the season finale, the December 18^th episode of Allen Gregory (Sunday, 8:30 p.m. EST) was – for all intents and purposes – the series finale. Fox has not yet officially cancelled the animated debacle, but the show is nowhere to be found on the midseason schedule and given its ignoble sendoff (cast away on a night made up entirely of reruns) don’t expect to see this dud pollute the airwaves again. If Fox did indeed cancel the show, we say – good riddance!

The series ended with the same revolting plotline that appeared in the show’s very first episode: Allen Gregory’s unnatural sexual attraction to his elderly principal, Judith Gottlieb. The show deserved the title of Worst TV Show of the Week then and certainly deserves it now.

In an opening dream sequence, Allen Gregory attends Judith’s funeral, lamenting that he never pursued their relationship seriously enough while Judith’ husband, Sid, torments him. “You’ll never have her now,” Sid sneers. “Not like I did. I had her all day, every day.” Once Allen Gregory wakes up, he subsequently marches into Gottlieb’s office and applies the full-court-press.

Allen: What are we doing, Jud? What are we waiting for? Let’s pull the trigger on this thing.

Judith: Allen Gregory, not today.

Allen: Well then when? Tonight? Tomorrow? Because the following night is not good for me. I can maybe squeeze something in late afternoon—

Judith: I don’t have time for this.

Allen: I don’t either. And that’s the whole point. You were in my dreams last night, babe.

Judy: Oh, my God.

Allen: It's okay. It wasn't sexual. I mean, there's always sexual undertone, but...

Judy: I'm gonna count to three, and when I turn around you better be gone.

She counts to three, but Allen is still there, yammering. She backhands him in the face.

Opportunistically, Allen blackmails her into going to dinner with him.

During their date, Allen showers her with compliments, which for a moment appear to crack her veneer. He leans in to kiss her, and just before their lips touch, the moment is ruined by the sound of an alarm reminding her to take her medication.

Meanwhile, Allen’s father Richard attempts to outdo his rival, Perry Van Moon, who has also adopted a needy child from an impoverished nation. Perry tells a table full of guests at a fundraising event that he had to sing to his adopted African son every night in order for him to fall asleep. He proceeds to perform a creepily romantic rendition of Faith Hill’s “Breathe” with his child.

We could take the time to figure out the myriad ways this show went wrong – from the unlikable characters and oft-putting sexual content to the pointless subversiveness and endemic unfunniness – but, honestly, it would take longer than the show’s ill-fated run.

Given the current ubiquity of news headlines about child sex abuse scandals, one might say the show premiered during an especially sensitive time for American audiences, but – really – is there ever a right time to joke about this grave topic? Whichever Fox exec thought this flirtation with child molestation was funny should be fired. We’d say the same about the staff of Allen Gregory, but it looks like they already have been.

For cringe-inducing suggestive content, Allen Gregory has received the title of Worst TV Show of the Week, hopefully for the last time.