Bullying in Cyber-Space a
Growing Problem
Early in 2010, the problem of
“cyber-bullying” was catapulted into the national spotlight
when 15-year-old Phoebe Prince reportedly committed suicide after
suffering months of constant bullying from classmates. It
is unfortunate that it took a tragedy of this magnitude to
raise consciousness about a problem that plagues millions of
school children day-in and day-out and remind us that we
need to equip our children to deal with bullies they
encounter not just in the real world, but also in the
virtual worlds they inhabit.
Consider these sobering statistics from
isafe.org:
-
42% of kids have been bullied while online.
One in 4 have had it happen more than once.
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35% of kids have been threatened online.
Nearly 1 in 5 have had it happen more than once.
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21% of kids have received mean or threatening
e-mail or other messages.
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58% of kids admit someone has said mean or
hurtful things to them online. More than 4 out of 10 say it
has happened more than once.
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53% of kids admit having said something mean
or hurtful to another person online. More than 1 in 3 have
done it more than once.
-
58% have not told their parents or an adult
about something mean or hurtful that happened to them
online.
These problems can be compounded by popular
entertainment, which often model and reinforce cliquish
behavior. Programs that target a younger demographic, like
the CW network’s Gossip Girl, and 90210,
frequently feature high-school cliques, and send the message
to young viewers that beauty, wealth, and irresponsible
behavior are requirements for popularity. Attractive
characters – characters young fans admire -- are frequently
shown ostracizing peers who don’t fit in because they don’t
wear the right clothes, because they are not pretty enough,
because their parents are in the wrong tax bracket... While
the entertainment industry is not exclusively to blame for
behaviors like bullying, media portrayals which appear to
endorse such behavior, or portray it as normal and
acceptable, can certainly exacerbate the problem.
If you see this kind of behavior exhibited on
a program your child watches, use the opportunity to talk to
your child about bullying, and whether they are seeing it at
school or have felt bullied themselves.
If your child is being bullied, he or she
will more than likely display at least one of the following
signs:
Characteristics of a Bully
If your child, or one of your child’s
classmates or friends exhibits any of these behaviors, it
should raise an alarm:
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Problems following rules (or just does not
want to follow rules)
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Impulsiveness
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Temperamental; quick to anger
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Views violence as a positive thing
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Does not display any feelings of empathy
for others
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Becomes easily frustrated
[Source: Parenting-Journals.com]
Parents can help stop children from being
bullied. Here are some tips:
-
Do thank the child for telling a parent
about the bullying. Parents should actively listen to
their child, being sure to not interrupt as they talk
about the bullying. Parents may want to share their own
experiences with childhood bullying and tell how they
handled it when they were children.
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Do assure the child that the bullying is
not his or her fault. Parents should validate their
child's right to safety, and also ask what the child
needs the parent or the school to do in order for the
child to feel safe.
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Do take action. Parents need to set up a
meeting with the child's teacher and the school's
principal to find out what anti-bullying efforts are in
place. Together, parents and school officials should
make a plan to separate the victim from the bully, or at
the very least, have more supervision of their
interactions. Once the plan is in place, parents should
have daily check-ins with the child and weekly check-ins
with the school to make sure the plan is being
successfully implemented.
How to Stop Bullies: What Not to Do
There are also things to avoid doing when
helping a victim of bullying.
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Don't contact the bully's parents.
Bullying is a learned behavior and there is a good
possibility that one or both parents are bullies
themselves. Adult bullies often deny that their child is
a bully and they may even accuse the victim of lying in
order to hurt the bully's reputation or cause trouble
for the family in order to take the negative focus off
the bully.
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Don't ignore the problem or tell the
child to “tough it out.” A bullied child needs help and
intervention before he suffers permanent psychological
damage from bullying.
-
Don't accuse the child's teacher of not
doing his or her job. Chances are they haven't witnessed
the bullying, or don't realize the seriousness of the
situation. The teacher is a parent's ally, and should be
treated as such.
[Source:
ParentingResources.suite101.com]
Tips for Victims of Cyber-Bullies (and
their parents!):
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Tell a trusted adult about the bullying,
and keep telling until the adult takes action.
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Don’t open or read messages by
cyber-bullies.
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Tell your school, if the bullying is
school-related. Schools have bullying solutions in
place.
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Don’t erase the messages. They may be
needed to take action.
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Protect yourself. Never agree to meet
with anyone you meet online.
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If bullied through chat or instant
messaging, the “bully” can often be blocked.
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If you are threatened with harm, inform
the local police.
[Source isafe.org]
