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Bachelor Pad on ABC

Frankenbite (n): a snippet of a reality show spliced from disparate scenes in order to manufacture conflict and enhance the drama. Every reality show does it. And on ABC’s Bachelor Pad from August 16^th, the technique was used to amp sexual content where there was none. Sadly, however, the bogus sexual content wasn’t the most offensive moment on the show. In what can rightfully be called the most off-putting moment of the entire summer season of broadcast television, Bachelor Pad earned the title of Worst TV Show of the Week for the second straight time.

The show revels in contestants manipulating one another in order to win a cash prize of $250,000. But the contestants aren’t the only ones doing the manipulating. When on-again-off-again Elizabeth and Kovacs aren’t fighting they are seducing one another in the midst of game-play strategizing. Kovacs informs Elizabeth that she has let emotions get the better of her when she complained to the other girls about her unrequited love for him, thereby making him a target. She slithers out of the hot tub in a skimpy bikini and asks, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” They start to kiss passionately. Kovacs, in voice-over, explains, “I might as well use her, or try to utilize that situation [to win].” He escorts her away from the hot tub and the scene quickly shifts to the bathroom, where someone is taking a shower. It’s hard to tell by the silhouettes on the shower curtain exactly what’s going on and who is in the shower, but the audio suggests that it is Elizabeth and Kovacs fooling around while the steam rises.

The more savvy viewers will note that the audio doesn’t entirely match what’s going on and the couple is never shown entering or leaving the stall. In fact, it could be anyone behind the curtain and the audio could have been cobbled together from hours of other footage. The scene isn’t so much steamy as it is fishy, a feeble attempt by the producers to make the show more salacious than it really is.

The worst scene in the episode, however, occurred within the first 15 minutes. The episode began with another sophomoric, vaguely suggestive competition: a pie eating contest. Normally, when you eat a messy meal you might don a bib. While reality shows might claim to be “real,” they certainly aren’t “normal.” So instead of covering themselves up, the contestants strip down. The women peel off their bulky sweaters and loose t-shirts as the camera lingers on their bikini-tops and sports bras. Inexplicably, the women are forced to the conduct the post-challenge testimonials with pie still covering their faces while only the winner on the men’s side had to endure the same humiliation.

The sexy vibe quickly turns, however, when the women start to feel nauseous. In a scene straight out of Stand by Me, the pie-eating-contest devolves into a disgusting puke-fest. The women are doubled over with their heads buried in waste baskets. Elizabeth vomits into her own hands. One of the men notes, “I’m sure Tenley vomited into the pie and continued to eat. That’s pretty gross.” That’s an understatement.

This scene alone was perhaps ABC’s nadir, its inevitable slide into the muck of reality show tailings now that its established franchises (The Bachelor/The Bachelorette) have been stripped of their worthwhile premise. Bachelor Pad has absolutely no redeeming qualities. It’s the worst of tasteless, trashy television and it rightly deserves the title of Worst TV Show of the Week.